Hello and welcome to the universe. You’re the new kid in school, everyone is so excited to meet you. You’re something we don’t know yet, but hope to get along with. You’re the thing people have been waiting for, something people have longed for. You’re mysterious, the anything can happen sort. With your arrival brings a fresh start. A clean slate. And how lovely of you to have arrived on a Monday. That fact satisfies me more than you can understand.
Your predecessor wasn’t very kind to a lot of us, so we’re all hoping you will be. Not to put any pressure on you, you’ve only been here for a day, but a lot of people are looking to you for hope; myself included. I’m trying to change my outlook on things so that you’ll be kind to me, but it’s so hard to change the thinkings of 22 years. I want to become more confident, care less what others think, be unapologetically me but I’m finding it hard to let go of my fears. I want to be accepted by people and I don’t feel like I am. I don’t make much impact on people’s lives because I’m easily forgotten. My mind is clouded by so much doubt and fear that I don’t try anything new, or when I do I give up because I can’t be perfect straight away. I fear that I don’t have anything to add to the world, that what I have to offer isn’t good enough to make a difference.
I know you can’t make miracles happen but I don’t ask for much, I never do. I just want to find a job I feel happy in. I just want someone, anyone, to take a chance on me and believe in me for long enough for me to begin to believe in myself. I took a fair few hits in 2017 and they all broke me. I sincerely hope that any hits I have to take this year, you’ll at least soften them somehow. Give me something else to have hope in when I’m beginning to lose hope. I don’t want to end 2018 the same way I did 2017. There’s only so much I can do, so much I can take before I revert back to my old ways. You have to give me hope that there’s better out there. That I deserve better than this.
Give me the reassurance I need to be able to take that leap of faith. I know I have trust issues and my walls are built pretty high around me but I do open up to those I deem worthy. 2018, I want to be able to deem you worthy. I so desperately want to let you in and help me grow, but as you can imagine that’s difficult.
I want us to work together and begin creating a better life. For me and for everyone else. We all accept you with open arms, please return the love and kindness and help us all get to where we want to be. Give help to us ‘little’ people and help raise us to the level of a ‘normal’ person, and if you’re feeling extra generous beyond.
2018 I am putting no expectations on you. I am willing to live each of your days as they come. I will live the good ones with the inevitable bad ones, and I will live them with grace and thanks. I promise to be more grateful this year and not take anyone or anything for granted. I promise to try and not speak bad of anybody and not get involved in any drama. I promise to not let people occupy my mind when I know I do not occupy theirs. I am willing to start breaking my walls down for everyone, but I can’t be held responsible for when or if they rebuild.
Happy New Year everyone!! I hope 2018 is kind to each and every one of you. I also want to thank anyone who reads my posts, it honestly means the world to me. I know I don’t really acknowledge you or interact with other people much but I am going to try my best to this year. I’d love to hear from anyone who reads my blog. Please don’t feel afraid to hit me up via any of the following.