There Are Days…

There are days when I look in the mirror and (dare I say that) I like what I see. The way the light makes my green eyes shine. The way my hair can fall so effortlessly around my face. The way my skin looks smooth and blemish free. The way my clothes hang on my shoulders but cling to my hips and legs. The way my body has natural curves.

There are days when I look in the mirror and I absolutely hate what I see. The sparkle in my eyes is gone. The bags under my eyes tell how exhausted I am all the time. The way my hair won’t do a single thing. The redness in my face on full display. The fat on my arms and legs seem to grow by the second.

There are days when I look in the mirror and I see a well put together person. A person who’s trying to make an effort. A person who’s make up is natural but some how accentuates their features. A person who can put together an outfit, even if it’s just a t-shirt and jeans. A person who has meaning. A person who knows what they want. A person I’d be proud to become.

There are days when I look in the mirror and I see a dishevelled person. A person who no longer cares how they look. A person who hasn’t worn make up in days because what’s the point. A person who lounges around the house in their pyjamas because they aren’t going anywhere, except bed again in a few hours. A person who has given up. A person I despise.

There are days when I look in the mirror and I feel content with myself. I see the flaws and I love them anyway. I see the gap in my front teeth when I smile and love it because it makes me me. I see my crazy hair and it makes me happy because my long hair is so much a part of who I am. I see the flesh covering my bones and I’m content, I’m no longer at war with my body. I see the person looking back at me and I am so proud of them for all they have gone through. I see a strong young woman who has a bright future.

There are days when I look in the mirror and I feel disappointed with myself. I see the flaws and overanalyse everything. I see the gap in my front teeth and it makes me never want to smile openly. I see my crazy hair and I wish it was naturally straight or curly, not frizzy. I see the fat on my bones and I hate it, wishing that it would just magically go away. I see the person looking back at me and I feel like I’ve let them down, that I should be more. I see a scared, weak little girl with no future.

There are days when I love life. There are days when I hate life. There are days in between when I don’t feel much at all. All of these days make up my life. Sometimes a day where I love life can turn into a day I hate life. Just like a day I don’t feel much can turn into a day where I love life again. These days make up my life. Yes it’s very messy and very confusing but it’s mine. It’s something I’ve grown accustomed to. I need the bad to make me apperciate the good.

*

I know this post is a bit different to what I usually post but my mind has been filled with thoughts recently and not of ‘usual’ blog content. Lets be real my blog never really had a theme or a niche. It’s always been a mess, so I’ll just leave this mess of a post in good company with my other posts.

giphy

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p.s. this was my first time doing a half face of make up look thing (featured image)

p.p.s. is a p.s weird on a blog post??

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